I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
