I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
