Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
