so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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