Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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