somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
