Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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