he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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