Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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