booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
