Dual....:-)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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