"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
