tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
