I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
