So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
