I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
