dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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