Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
