I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
