I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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