Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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