You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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