So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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