My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
