I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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