if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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