Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Everclear isn't food dammit
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
