im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
