New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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