There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
