They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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