It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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