I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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