She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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