2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
