God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
