I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
