I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
