these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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