Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
