all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
