i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
