Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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