I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
