You can't motorboat a personality
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
