Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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