The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
