I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize