Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
