The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
