LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
