I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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