the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
