Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
