I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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